The challenge with coming from a difficult childhood specifically having emotionally devoid parents is the “all good or all bad” viewpoint. There is literally no gray. Nope. It is or it isn’t; that’s it. However, that type of viewpoint is not part of the prescription to having long-term or happy relationships.
For the past year I’ve been in a relationship with a man who in every sense of the word is the ying to yang, my soul-mate. However, with me, when it comes to people’s situations it’s a constant battle with throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Here’s what I learned about all or nothing thinking. I learned that when I was going thru a hard time, was sick and down right depressed – he was there. He did not waiver one bit. He didn’t stop loving me because I wasn’t that perfect girlfriend or at those times a fun to be around person. He loved me anyway, something I was not use to. My all or nothing thinking had to change and I needed to get my head out of the past and remember to be thankful that he’s not anything like my parents.
So, what I’ve learned from being in love with the right person is that love is perfectly imperfect because no one is perfect. He’s shown me that gray is an awesome color and that I’d rather have the best thing instead of no-thing.