When I was married, I learned a lot about myself and a hellavu lot about my ex-husband. What I learned is that what I wanted from a partner/husband was a non-negotiable. Unfortunately, but fortunately I found that out AFTER I married the wrong man. Not saying that my ex-husband is a bad person; he just wasn’t the right man for me.
Now, one would think that in my esteemed wisdom that I would have learned from the mistake I made with my marriage and would not repeat it in another long term relationship. Ha! Clearly, I did not learn enough because I repeated the same kind but different mistake with my last ex-boyfriend. My last ex-boyfriend had my must haves — he was charming, intelligent, educated, strong, kind and a willing provider. But, what I did not learn from my last lesson was that I needed to hold true to my conviction of my non-negotiables. But one can not hold true to their convictions if there is not a strong sense of self love standing behind them. Something that I did not have at the time I was married or when I was in this long term relationship.
Ok, I am not going to throw myself all the way under the bus. He was a very good manipulator/playa of my emotions because he KNEW I was a catch and he saw the kink in the armor of my own self love. You see, when you don’t love yourself first and foremost you will fall prey to a man who says all the right things but their actions do not mirror the words. It wasn’t until I realized that I AM A CATCH and DESERVE MORE than crumbs, scraps of love from a man that I woke up and walked away from a subpar relationship that did not meet my needs.
My non-negotiables are just that — NON NEGOTIABLE. I will not undermine my worth and rationalize a non-negotiable to an quasi-acceptable. So, create a list of your must haves and your non-negotiables and stick to them. When you love yourself more and create a full worthwhile life that is magical; you will not negotiate yourself out of your own happiness. You will realize that being single is not a flaw or a form of desperation. Being single and happy is way better than being with someone that does not meet your needs to be the right co-pilot along your freakin’ amazing journey called life.